hahlmony

To my ‘eupun hahlmony’

There so much I could share with each of you of how wonderful this woman was and the impact she had on each of us in the ‘kim family’ household. She was well known for her heart of gold and yet known for a will and strength that could never get knocked down – ever. I’m sure if you could recount your memories of her they all probably had to do with food of some sort, butterscotch candies, money being freely given away, her joy and devotion for the Korean United Church, the love she had for her children and grandchildren and how she just gloated at how good looking her grandsons were. Or how about memories of her when you got her upset? You can bet she had the last word and she was a fighter right to the very end.

I loved her so much for all the things she taught me. As a second mother to me, I truly attribute a lot of who I am because of her. She taught me how to love those around me and to be an honest and hard working woman. She taught me how to be resilient when you were weak and to firmly stand up for what you believed in. Though I had to battle the gender game with her growing up and all the favouritism she had for my brother, through the years I knew that she loved me just as much as she did all her boys….

During her last few years at the care home, she kept calling me ‘jong heh’ her one and only daughter, and I used to cry thinking she forgot who I was. And when she kept asking me where my kids were and how I wasn’t at home feeding them, my heart used to sink thinking she may never live to see any great-grandchildren. But in the last few days of her life, when she was surrounded by the people she so dearly loved, I knew that she was aware of each of us.

This past Saturday, even though she was weak without thirteen days of food or water, she found enough strength to sit up and she took her hand and tapped my cheek three times. It was a beautiful moment I had with her knowing that she had acknowledged who I was and as if she was telling me that it was all okay, she was fine and that she loved me. And at that moment I promised myself that I would live for her and try to follow her legacy of living for those you love, to provide for those around you and to live life so simply through food, hard work, a strong mind and body and the selfless act of giving.

Memories I have of her that I will never forget and that will live with me forever….
· Taking me everywhere by bus and vivid memories of being at the UBC loop when I was four years old so we could scout out a good patch of ‘kosardi’ leaves near the endowment lands
· Having her drag me into Teddy’s school when I was only in kindergarten to be her translator, interuppting a classroom because she was angry that he got kicked out of school for throwing a snowball
· Sharing a bedroom with her growing up and her telling me never to turn your back on someone when you’re sleeping with them because you should never go to bed mad
· Yelling at my dad with those fierce eyes of fire. Even he couldn’t win her over
· Finding used safeway brand butterscotch candies all over the house
· Just like alfred hitchcock’s sillouette, down the lane by battison street you could see her shadow looking out the window, waiting and watching for her family to come home and when saying ‘hi’, she always pretended she was sleeping.
· And I will never forget when I was in highschool, getting punished for the some odd twenty magazines I had under my bed and walking up the stairs to see my grandmother dragging the secret stash of magazines into her own closet – the box literally weighing over a hundred pounds
· Her always wanting to go home
· Feeding, cleaning and helping the nurses care for the seniors at the finnish home
· Her face lighting up whenever she saw us

One day I will make her proud. I will honour her and become a better cook. I will love my brother more and take care of my parents during their retirement years. I promise to visit each time I’m in town and will plant some beautiful flowers so that she knows how much i love her, we love her and will forever miss her.

Hahlmony, kochung heh gimayo – chal jumohseyo.